I’ve been dreading this post and as I even begin to write, my throat is tightening and I want to quit. 

I have no idea what I’m even going to write or how it will come out, I’m simply allowing myself to TRUST that I’m being divinely guided to speak my truth.

(I’ve never been so open or vulnerable in my life. In fact, I hid so much of who I really was to the world out of fear of what they’ll think of me). 

Let me explain…

In my entire life, I never posted a picture of me and a boyfriend online.

I never changed my facebook status to “In a relationship” (silly I know, unless you’re the person who isn’t being acknowledged) 

because that would have given too much away about me. 

I didn’t introduce my partner of 7 years to most of my extended family (in fact not even my own brother) 

until the last few months and sadly, then it was too late. He already felt the pain of my rejection, and my shame and embarrassment of him “not being good enough”…

They might judge him for his skin color, so I’ll hide him and protect him… WTF?! I was only protecting me…

No, that didn’t just happen once, it’s happened many times…EVERY time until now…

(btw this isn’t about relationships, just giving you an idea of the person who hid for all these years and lived a life that well, was a lie).

Okay uggh, tears streaming down my face now…(because i’m allowing this to be guided, I’m intentionally NOT censoring or changing any of this)… 

Oh, I also hid that I coached and trained people in Timeshare to be the Top 1% after I left the industry out of “shame” that they’ll think “I’m one of those guys …”

I didn’t even tell anyone but my immediate family that I was fired from my first job out of college up until 2 years ago (that happened back in 2002)?!  

I was so ashamed that I got fired…(what would that say about me???)

I mean, I had to look or be perceived a certain way, as if I had it all together and THAT would not fit the narrative…

To sum it up, I was ashamed of most everything in my life…

The partners I chose to date, my degrees that weren’t “good enough” compared to those of my siblings’, my jobs/careers, my shortcomings, the fact that nothing was ever good enough…

So going back to where I left off in the last post, I made a life-altering decision to 

Let it ALL go.

Little did I know what all would unravel and ensue upon making that decision…

Feeling unfulfilled and incongruent with aspects of my business, I decided to step away from it entirely, other than a few Mastermind calls with The 1% Mastermind I run.

I stepped away from the day to day of my business, from making any decisions, from communicating with my amazing assistant Becky, who I talked to daily, 

our team I direct and lead including contractors who do work for us to keep The 1% Life up and running…

I stepped away from putting on 7 and 10-day challenges I ran nearly every month for the past 1.5 years

From podcasting, doing FB lives, social media, from taking sales calls, client calls, bringing any NEW money into the business…(thank God I could).

All of it…

For the first time ever, I shed the Identity of ME! (or what I thought to be me–more on this later)…

The purpose and intention of stepping out and letting go of it all was to

allow myself to stop pushing, striving, achieving and driving for more…

More Accolades, Accomplishments, Revenue, Clients…

So I closed up shop, put a sign on my door (closed for business–okay I mean that figuratively)…

and began what I called Joanie’s Surrender Experiment…

I had to trust that I was guided to take this time and that I may come back the 1st week of January (which ended up being much longer, 2.5 months).

And then…

Like any good “high-achiever”, DO-ER, get $hit Done-er would do, FOUGHT IT tooth and nail…

I resisted.

I battled. 

I didn’t know how to let go…

How to not DO, achieve, and BE SEEN…

Here’s the reality I began to battle with…

Who was I without ALL of that?!!

Who was Joanie Dhillon without her Podcast?

Who was I without my Business?

Who was I NOT being a Coach, Trainer, an “Influencer” or Leader in the world of High-Performance, Mindset and Sales Domination??

Who was I when I wasn’t proving something to myself or the world??

This was a super hard reality check for me because I’ve never known myself to NOT be a High-Performer, an Overachiever, the Top 1% or even .001% of anything I did…

That WAS my IDENTITY…

But with all the resistance, I began to question (thanks to my incredible partner, Scott)…

What if I wasn’t any of that??

What if THAT wasn’t me?

Because it certainly wasn’t me now that I stepped away from it all…I didn’t have any of that to define me.

and if i couldn’t see myself as MORE than the self-imposed label or the label my industry has placed on me, then could I ever BE more??

Did God see me this way? Or is there a soul on this journey we call “life” who cannot be defined as labels? 

Who is more than just these man-made constructs of labels, job titles, and “identities”? 

How can I get to know HER and LOVE her for all that she is and all that she is NOT??

And so the journey began one day at a time. Allowing the Masculine energy I brought to my work, health and relationships…

one of doing, problem-solving, result-getting, and achieving, step to the side.

So I could for the first time, know my FEMININE. That side of me (an energy) that ALLOWED, RECEIVED, and was okay to just BE…

The feminine and masculine reside in each of us despite our gender. We bring masculine and feminine energies to all that we do and sometimes, one or the other, just doesn’t “work”…

The Masculine energy I brought to my business, relationship, and other areas of my life, were CONTROLLING, DOMINATING and not working.

And so began Joanie’s Surrender Experiment…

In love,

 

 

 

P.S. If you’d like help getting unstuck so you can hit top bonuses consistently, month after month, and become the 1%’er you deserve to be, book a complimentary Unleashed Call and let us help you bridge the gap. These are value-based, laser calls to break you through whatever you’re experiencing and get you selling deals. 

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